crash test dummy

2010-09-28T11:02:00.001+08:00

Isnt it time you found out?
that thoughts become things, that this is an inescapable law irregardless of whether you know of it or not.

there is a treasure meant for everyone in the universe,
where your heart is at, there you will find your treasure.

Its the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

and finally one of my own.
music, reading , writing, seeing..,
has taught me that they key to life is love. love over and over again.
fall in love with as much as you can, while you can.

Saying 'Yes' has brought me on far more interesting adventures than saying 'No'. even if whatever it was initially did not seem do-able to me.

Thanksgiving

2010-09-28T11:01:00.002+08:00

Today upon a bus, I saw a lovely maid with golden hair; I envied her—she seemed so happy, and how I wished I were so fair; When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle; she had one foot and wore a crutch, but as she passed, a smile. Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two feet—the world is mine. “And when I stopped to buy some sweets, the lad who served me had such charm; he seemed to radiate good cheer, his manner was so kind and warm; I said, ‘It’s nice to deal with you, such courtesy I seldom find’; he turned and said, ‘Oh, thank you sir.’ And then I saw that he was blind. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes, the world is mine. “Then, when walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue; he stood and watched the others play, it seemed he knew not what to do; I stopped a moment, then I said, ‘Why don’t you join the others, dear?’ He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear. Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two ears, the world is mine. “With feet to take me where I’d go; with eyes to see the sunsets glow, with ears to hear what I would know. I am blessed indeed. The world is mine; oh, God, forgive me when I whine.

2008-01-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

went for sakae sushi buffet the other day.. ended up playing chawamushi challange!!
even though i won.. i still ended up eating 4 chawamushies.. yum!

2007-10-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning

now i'm here to stay, love can be so boring

nothings quite the same now, i just say your name now...

but its not so bad, you're only the best i ever had

you dont want me back.. you're just the best i ever had

so you stole my world, now im just a phoney

remembering the girl, leaves me down and lonely

send it in a letter, make yourself feel better..

It may take some time to patch me up inside

i can't take it so i run away and hide

i may find in time that you were always right

you're always right..

what was it you wanted? could it be im haunted?

But its not so bad.. you're only the best i ever had

i dont want you back. you're just the best i ever had

for mlwl

2007-10-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

Lying in my bed again and i cry cause you're not here

Crying in my head again and i know that it's not clear

Put your hands inside my face and see that its just you

But it's bad and it's mad and it's making me sad

Because i can't be with you.

2007-09-25T00:02:00.000+08:00

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

- Mary Frye

2007-09-06T13:19:00.000+08:00

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2007-06-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

Go smash your SUV into the back of hybird cars

that should stop them from using fuel totally.

You can't save the earth if you arn't willing to make other people sacrifice.

2007-05-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

Ash, scattered in the winds

travels the seven seas

touched the mountains and the rain

it finally settles in peace

where it has always wanted to be.

2007-05-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

Can you forgive me again?

I don't know what I said

But I didn't mean to hurt you



I heard the words come out

I felt that I would die

It hurt so much to hurt you



Then you look at me

You're not shouting anymore

You're silently broken



I'd give anything now

to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."

But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me

Somehow I'll make you see

How happy you make me



I can't live this life

Without you by my side

I need you to survive



So stay with me

You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.



And you forgive me again

You're my one true friend

And I never meant to hurt you

2007-03-28T16:28:00.000+08:00

i am a prisoner,

and the world is my cage.

ive been here so long,

ive grown used to the bars.

i have no energy left to contemplate escape.

my soul has accepted its situation.

all that remains is my impending death.

2007-02-28T10:23:00.000+08:00

i sometimes wonder why i dont meet so called 'classy' people often enough.
admist my pondering, a realisation hit me..

they dont take public transport.

they've moved on to the next level.

and since most of my contact with strangers come from buses and trains.
i suppose i've got a point. im not too sure. but its possibly explains the quality of people i run into.

but its not so bad. (frantically digs for car brochures)
classy people are overrated anyway. ive met some that need to put down the people around them to feel 'higher class'.

class is a subtle form of behavior, i read somewhere that ' people can take away all your designer clothes and handbags and shoes and what have you and you still can be classy, but if you're low class, nobody can take that away from you'.
i find it humourous, but that got me to wondering about the true defination of class.
ive met strangers that have displayed kindness, sincerity,consideration... good values to have i suppose. at least in stark contrast to what is obviously not. (open your eyes)

at least the govt is paying attention and doing something about it, though i wonder how effective a '4 million smiles' campaign is. perhaps it should be followed up with a 4 million visits to the dentist campaign. as a common man on the street, i just dont see why the average person should care about these govt initiatives. when they're targeted at giving foreigners a better impression of us. i mean, to the australians, we're a murderous and barbaric state that hangs its citizens. to the americans, we're undemocratic and love to dish out capital punishment.they cant even twist our arm, so how pleased can they be about that?as for myself, i'm not too concerned about what they think, cos they're not exactly the flagbearers of model behavior.perhaps i would be more concerned if i thought about this in a more political way, or tried to measure the material cost of poor bilateral relations.god forbid anyone ever puts sanctions against us. thats why we're always friends with everyone.(even thailand and malaysia)

so what we have now is a campaign to make ourselves a more classy people, but the main aim is to attract more foreigners. i suppose this is a win win situation and can be considered a good thing. i just cant explain why i dont care. why does anyone care? im just bored at work, lah.

2007-02-23T11:30:00.000+08:00

" for a person as practical as you, im surprised you're willing to hold onto something so useless"

2007-02-23T11:13:00.000+08:00

i feel so discontent.as far as i can remember
ive been discontent my entire life

like a thorn between my paws

a knife i cant get out of my back

an itch i cannot reach.

but i know. the miracle that is life. the opportunity to wake up everday, the chance to be happy.
25 years of discontentment in singapore. that is a fact.
perhaps i need to migrate. get my own place, several cars. stand on my own. alone

'you're discontent because you know you're wasting your life away, people whom god has granted certain potential...deep within them, they know it. and when they become lazy, procrastinate or get lost.. their soul will keep reminding them. god will put things and people along the way to give advice to you. but if you dont heed or do anything, eventually the voice will get softer and softer..untill you just waste your life away, and what happens is the soul just sinks into a dark place. where you feel trapped and angry... eventually.. it accepts.. and just gives up.and doesnt care not wants to do anything. and just live each day as it comes'

what is the point of screaming into thin air?
irony.
since im posting this..everyone can read this, but no one knows who i am.

2007-02-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

When you talk to god... its called prayer....when he talks to you..
well thats just schizophernia.

2007-02-07T13:40:00.000+08:00

crash.

system failure.

in need of reformatting.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwtyrraew v
awomawnaiofaomgwtfbbqlazerpewpewpewroflwtfh

system memory corrupted.

please seek assistance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

all i remember is a girl who once loved me. who does so, no longer.
as i lay on her lap on the living room floor she said the words...
"i promise..."

it was the beginning of the end

2006-11-23T15:29:00.000+08:00

i suddenly remember,
lying down in the middle of a garden.
lush green grass
warm sunshine
a gentle, constant breeze
i remember falling asleep this way,
thankful, that i was alive.

2006-10-11T11:28:00.000+08:00

i crave for...

1 - open space

2- a good beer on soft white sand

3- more time where i feel less drained

------------------------------------------------------------

i feel so exhausted these days.

Where art thou, thy carefree life?

2006-09-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

the most powerful force in the world is....belief

2006-08-22T20:44:00.000+08:00

i wonder if you know
that i never understood
that although you said you'd go
until you did
i never thought you would.

so many years gone
still i remember
how did i ever let my heart believe
in one who never gave enough to me

rant and rave

2006-08-08T08:49:00.000+08:00

this morning on the bus to work, 3 aunties boardered the bus via the exit. the bus was already over crowded and as it just so happens i was standing right at the exit door. it is beyond my comprehension how some people think that such behavoir is acceptable? i bluntly told 1 of them that they were crazy and to that she said ' but thats the way one what'. then she told 1 of her accomplices not to tap their ez link cards at the exit and to do it later. i noticed there after that non of them tapped their cards thru the remainder of the journey. simply because of the inconvenience of making it to the front of the bus. kiasuism? blatant bo chup bo cheng hu? and in full view of everyone on the lower level of the bus, however no one other than me told them off. thats what i cant stand about singaporeans. the amount of apathy in their daily lives.that if it doesnt directly invovle me, it doesnt matter kind of attitude. and somewhere along the way they threw their morals out the window. if they had any in the first place. not reacting to a bad deed no matter how miniscule it is , is the same as condoning it. a worst case example of this is the rise of hitler. so, are we breeding any hitlers in singapore? of course not. most do not have the passion or drive to change their surroundings. they just accept it as it is, telling themselves its fate or theres nothing i can do or the government will fix it for me. Today is the eve of singapores national day but as i reflect on the morning past, i can understand why i dont feel any enthusiasm. the people in general disgusts me. Of course probability dictates that these are but a minority. but the frequency in which i run into them worries me, am i that unlucky?

To end this, you may say, ' hey its not a big deal' no one got hurt or robbed or anything like that. which is true. perhaps im blowing things out of proportion. this IS a blog entitled rant and rave.
I accept that i cannot go through life without coming into contact with disgusting people in general. But that should not mean i should close 1 eye and tolerate them. i feel tolerance should be earned, in the same way as respect. why should i tolerate people whom i do not respect?

2006-07-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 seconds is all you really need

2006-05-19T14:06:00.000+08:00

::I have a lover (love dismantled)::

Obsessed by you
Now how fallen i am!
Into love's pit ive descended.
Deeper and darker by the hour.

My want and need and desire conquer
All reason of mind,
NOw tossing a how do i know question
So dense, so charged

If this be real love,
What of my first love?

Insanely confused
Utterly dismantled,
I'm bitten by memories of illicit delight,
Then teased into pleasure's tormented ravine.

For God and a passionate cause
We keep a subtle fire
For love's intensity full of inquiry,
Why keep my fast? (No fast could i keep)

So shameful and shameless,
Just blissful yet peverse
The more of you i have
The darker the word, desire.

Sucked by you,
You suck my soul.

2006-05-15T16:21:00.000+08:00

There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

2006-05-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

i sit here, feeling lost inside
reaching out my hand in an empty space
trying for so long to go back to that perfect place
slip slide run hide
no matter what i do i cannot go back
to that place i so long for
because you're no longer here
and when i finally die
i know that my life was worth it
to have that memory
that perfect place
which exists now only in my head

2006-04-11T02:07:00.000+08:00

wtf man!! LOL

2006-04-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

she was with me today, and yet i could barely see her. perhaps ive let her down. a countdown to my disappointment.

2006-04-04T17:08:00.000+08:00

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

2006-03-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

today i realized that im actually going crazy, as compared to my mental state a few years back.
what am i supposed to do now? now that i know that i really AM slowly degenerating into a retarded self defecating bastard? heck, do crazy people even know that they've gone nutters?
all i know is, i cant picture myself in therapy or staying at an institute.

2006-03-15T02:05:00.000+08:00

i ask myself, what do you want most in life?what do you want to do?
of all the possibilites i can imagine..ending my life has still been the most personal and important choice ive made.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

2006-03-14T16:13:00.000+08:00

scream- the soundtrack of my life.

2006-03-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

i fear that ive been traumatised for life. shopping in very crowded areas isnt usually my cup of tea.
Fending off hordes of ching chong aunties while trying my darnest to purchase panties is DEFINATLY not my cup of tea. SHIT!!!!!! they kept giving me dirty looks!!!! dog damn it! I SWEAR REVENGE ON THE CHING CHONGS!!!

NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-07T02:39:00.000+08:00

ive just been so utterly miserable these past fortnight..
pure misery is what i serve myself daily it seems.
i feel the need to die
and relive my life as someone else
as someone new
someone other than me

plunging, further, deeper..downwards..
crashing is inevitable

2006-03-03T04:48:00.000+08:00

just one more.. its always just one more.

::product of my former self::
dust and ash
nothing but dust and ash
that is all we truly were

u said you thought you knew
i said i thought i did not
dust and ash
that is all

i tried sitting back
changing to another point of view
another side of me
another side of you

and all i saw was black

trying to fly
when all i could do was run
spreading invisible wings to the boundless skies
but all i could feel was the ground

you said you tried
i said i cried
so u did
so i did
and i fell back down

into an oblivion-

where there was nothing
no me
no you
and the nights ran long
and the days were grey

and i sat there by my former self-
talking about the days gone by
and how i use to cry
and how you said you tried
and how there i died

2006-02-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

im got some imperfections, but how can you collect them all and throw them at my face

2006-01-23T04:59:00.000+08:00

just what the hell will man utd do when ryan giggs retires??? 32 going on 33 and still indespensible.
sigh. future doesnt look too bright.

2006-01-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

remember, burnt bridges dont last forever. but some of them MUST stay lost.

2006-01-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

if there was nothing that i could say
turn your back and you just walked away
leaves me numb inside i think of you
together is all i knew
and as the sun set you replied
fall from the sky into paradise
is there no light in your heart for me
you've closed your eyes you no longer see
there were no lies between me and you
you said nothing of what you knew
but there was still something in your eyes
left me helpless and paralyzed..

2005-12-16T06:06:00.000+08:00

bladed to pasir ris park with gav adeleine and fiz just now and we had ourselves a cool chill out session, gav brought along his creative zen and speakers and we were relaxing and chatting about everything under the moon.
made our way to some 24 hr kopi tiam beside the old pmc and slacked there for 4 hrs man my ass hurts haha. all in all yet another wonderful time.

2005-12-15T10:55:00.000+08:00

happiness is

hugging my baby
holding her hand
having dinner with her
watching cartoons with her
listening to her voice
laughing at her silliness
making fun of her

happiness is...... me.

2005-12-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

i bought a new handphone today!! nokia n 70~! im so happy i could jump over the moon~! (not that im a cow:b)

2005-12-03T15:44:00.000+08:00

the more i think about it, the more i feel its the coolest thing ive done in years.

2005-12-02T15:51:00.000+08:00

oh my god i actually rollerbladed to dhoby ghaut! passed by sun tec and bugis junction along the way!!!!omg omg omg omg omg thats like over 40 bloody km to and fro!
no wonder my knees feel like jelly.

mindless rambling

2005-12-01T16:31:00.001+08:00

dota, all day everyday
dota for all occasions
dota dota dota

currently listening to beth orton- wish i never saw the sun shine.
my current favourite lines-

everyday is just like the day before
all alone a million miles from shore
all of my dreams i dream with you
now they will die and never come true

wish i never saw the sun shine
and if i never saw the saw the sun shine baby
then maybe.. i wouldnt mind the rain, nor all this pain

2005-07-16T14:17:00.000+08:00

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. ~Joseph Baretti, quoted by James Boswell, 1766, popularly misattributed to Samuel Johnson

There is nothing more powerful then an idea whos time has come.

2005-06-17T13:15:00.000+08:00

just found out that an old friend of mine has hep B..such a shocker. and she says she probably got it from her mum or from drinking/smoking/eating too much shell foods. I also heard that meng's brother has been diagnosed with diabetes..at the age of 26. and apparently this guy's just like me..gotta fuel himself with a coke in the morning to wake him up.

i wonder, am i already too far down that road to make a U turn? Do i even wanna do a U turn??
just the thought of it..no more coke.. no more beer..my favourites jd vodka baileys tequila and chivas..no more mussels and oysters..*shiver*

Anyway..heres a pic of scout the royal dumbass.

2005-06-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

wonder how its possible that EVERYTIME i give scout a combing he gives me a bag full of fur in return. is he a dog or a sheep?where does that much fur come from?!?!?!??!

anywayz, am deciding on whether to commit to learning squash..perhaps take up yoga. hell even boxercise was brought up. feel so lazy+ tired these days. the timing is all wrong. am supposed to go running after this, woe and behold evil procrastenator! my room's too convenient for me to get my ass moving.wonder if the swimming pool in tampines has finished renovating.. willing to go swim, thou definately unwilling to go to the gym. pass me that heineken!!

2005-06-07T23:20:00.000+08:00

played football with my colleagues today, we actually booked a court to play in. such a long time since we've played together, and probably one of the last few times as well. so many of us are gonna ORD soon..some have already left. i hate these transitional phases in life. i wish friends would be more permanent..unlike the typical "im just passing through your life" kinda thing.

anyways enough about that, im currently addicted to dj tiesto. his tracks "close to you/ forbidden paradise". also saw an Xbox advert for the game Forza motorsport. looks so cool! and the irony is that the game is right in front of me now. its been sitting on my desk for about 2 weeks now and ive just no time to even try it. i need a month off. hell, i need to make it to the weekend. was at work on monday feeling like it was friday. bloody disgusting feeling i tell you, i dont mind feeling like its monday on a friday but definately not the otherway around.

2005-05-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

Had a busy weekend last week. tori took the car out for a spin on thursday night..we ended up going to west coast park mcdonalds which i just learnt is 24 hours on weekends, getting lost in yio chu kang i think and various other places with no names haha.

Friday

went to the aranda country club on friday evening for a company chalet. did some bbq-ing, oh my oh my oh my haha. the amount of chicken wings, prawns, cheese hot dogs and satay was sinful to say the least. washed every portion down with beer too. absolutely fabulous!
after all the eating, we retired to the chalet to watch dvds on the projector they brought along. wonderful sharpness and depth of color, dang it. makes me wanna get one.

Saturday

Still at the chalet on saturday.. woke up late, had a good lunch, then played mahjong all the way to dinner time when we bbq'd yet again. but this time round alot more ppl came..over 20 plus..we cooked/ate like 10X more then whatever we had on fri. terrible..considering i was "watching" my weight. had sambal sting rays..beef steaks..garlic chicken..curry chicken..raw salmon..and the list goes on (i cant remember :P)

played some game in the bedroom later in the evening..4 guys and 4 girls..everyone had to stick playing cards on their foreheads..and the "loser" is the one with the smallest number. i was glad to do the forfeits since they involved drinking chivas scotch and vodka mandarin (muahahha). the game took a couple of twists later on where each player could change their card without looking at it..thus naturally the guys tried all sorts of tricks to fool the gals into changing their cards. totally hilarious, or maybe i just drank too much. either way i laughed ALOT.

Ended the night watching 6 episodes of nip / tuck. Wonderful piece of work this show.. though i doubt many s'poreans can truely appreciate the top notch scripting and dialogue. Tori fell asleep on my lap while we tried our best to burn out the projectors' bulb. she looks so cute when she sleeps. such a contented look money cannot truly buy.

Sunday
Woke up at 3 in the afternoon i think..met up with Tori and her sis jos. we we're gonna bring their parents for a family dinner at some "famous" seafood restaurent at upper thomson.. i only know thomson is famous for their roti prata..know nothing of the seafood.
goodness it was so crowded! reached about 7 30 in the evening, queued for roughly an hour, and evil tori was entertaining herself as usual.. telling her little cousin all sorts of jokes haha. apparently My name is "hei sien shen", or " Hei ren ya gau sien shen". i kept on telling her to remember to use darlie toothpaste to brush her teeth haha. such an adorable little girl.
Actual dinner was fabulous! lucky me, eating wonderful food seemingly everyday. no wonder about the waistline. Had butter prawns, chilli crabs (Really one of the best in sg), black pepper crabs, steamed fish..baby kai lan..fried rice..friend noodles and fried chicken, all together with a bottle of heineken.what more can a pig ask for hmm?? hehe

More fab food and alcohol of course!
Went down to Macpherson for dinner after work today. Colleagues gave a huge treat as 2 of them got SGT rank recently. i had myself a couple of heinekens as a main dish LOL. ate some real food as appetisers. drove down to lucky plaza for a 2 hour pool session, during which a colleague of mine puked a bucket. sheesh. even one of those filipino prostitues came up to us to give him tissue.Very nice of the gal to do so, as i sincerely believe that majority of s'poreans dont give a fug. this guy ALWAYS pukes no matter how little he drinks. im offically changing his name to Merlion. *mental note : Pool balls and cues at mambo billiards are quite good*
thats bout all the bitching i have for the moment.will think about writing techniques as i feel that either my thoughts or my writing style's too choppy.. hope to iron the lines out soon. and oh did i mention that after all this gorging i actually LOST weight? my body's in a state of madness i swear.

2005-05-10T19:51:00.000+08:00

been having swollen gum problems these few days. apparently caused by a wisdom tooth growing out in a weird direction. giving me MAJOR headaches man, wonder if i should get it extracted.

Caught house of wax yesterday evening, and i must say, FINALLY! a movie to test my tolerance limits of gore. violence is cool, ultra uber gore isnt, so i found out haha. not that great a show IMO cos the key ingredient of the show is stupidity. characters have to do stupid things in order for the plot to advance. purely eye candy, from a certain perspective.

9 more days to Episode 3 and 128 more days to my release from national slavery.

2005-05-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

damn it..so darn tired..had to cram on the bus with some fat lady. sigh. timing they say, IS everything.

looking punkish in jb.

2005-05-05T12:59:00.000+08:00

Fortune favours the prepared mind.